Josh Dawson
"Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying!"
I was diagnosed with stomach cancer on September 28th 2005. My 33rd birthday. It was probably one of the most horrifying days my wife, Bonnie has ever had to experience! I say this because my strong willed wife, and "I do mean extremely strong willed wife" kept this news from me for a whole week. She wanted me to finish my rock climbing trip in Idaho, without this terrifying news ruining the experience of one of my true passions in life! I think she knew in her heart early on that we would not let this disease control our lives! She was so right! Because that's what it takes to survive! That exact attitude! There are no words that can do justice at thanking her for the unconditional love and support she has given me throughout this enduring experience. I would not be here today without her.
In the beginning stages of my cancer, the first doctor I visited for minor abdominal symptoms, found the H-Pilori bacteria in my blood and diagnosed me with a stomach ulcer. He was my local family practitioner at the time. I didn't think it was a big deal at all and was very passive about my visit. Given my age and good health he felt the same as I did. I basically had blood work done, was given antibiotics and some stool softener and sent on my Merry Way! There was just no way that the Big C word could be a possibility. A little indigestion and minor bloating are pretty much common everyday symptoms for some people. After taking the antibiotics, a couple of weeks later my symptoms merely subsided. I was good to go! Six to eight months later my symptoms came back much stronger this time. It was mostly related to eating. It got to the point where I could not finish half of a sandwich or drink a few sips of wine without being doubled over with extreme bloating and unbearable gas pains! I knew this time something was definitely wrong. A couple of days later, I visited my wife's internist, Dr Allen Schreiber, in Denver. He took some biopsies and was able to diagnose me with progressed adeno carcinoma. This news was so hard to fathom! I felt so scared and lost! Certainly the Darkest Day of My Life! I was on my way out!
Little did I know, Bonnie, for the week prior to my finding out the news, had already gotten me into Md Anderson in Houston, which is an extremely difficult task to pull off in a weeks time! It is certainly a wonderful place to be if you have this disease. There, Dr Ajani confirmed my diagnoses and immediately got me in a clinical trial, which was my saving grace at the time. The trial drug was Oxaliplatin. I would endure a total of four very difficult months of chemo therapy and Five horrific weeks of radiation mixed in towards the end of the four months. After all the treatment was over, I took about six weeks off to recoup and gain back my strength to prepare for major surgery. I was supposed to have my stomach removed to complete the trial. It was the final step I had to take for the best case scenario. To become cancer free! It was the Grand finale!
After coming this far in my battle for survival and mentally overcoming the shock of the initial diagnoses, preparing for more bad news was not in the mind set at this point. Only positive vibes were created in my life to get through this! I woke up from an already difficult situation to a world that at the time seemed far more hopeless than I could ever imagine. In the recovery room I was given the bad news that a metastatic implant was found in my small bowel. A few days later it was confirmed as being stomach cancer. I still believe that the clinical trial I went through is half the reason I'm still here. I've learned that cancer can be completely unpredictable. Even though my stomach tumor did shrink, the cancer still managed to spread. Something that no one could have ever predicted. Things looked more grim than they ever had at that point! I was considered stage Four. I went into a state of depression. What were we going to do now?
I started preparing myself for the worst. Ready to give up! All the treatment I endured! "For nothing!" But deep in my heart I knew I wanted to live. I want to live life to the fullest! As hard as it was to do, I wiped away my tears, stopped feeling sorry for myself, and thought of a quote from one of my favorite movies, "Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying"!
Bonnie and I then decided to take our long awaited honeymoon to the Carribean a few weeks later. We forgot about cancer for those ten days! A magical experience! Also, as corny as it may sound, after that trip, I went off into the desert of Utah by myself for a week and got lost in a world of peace and tranquility. I envisioned winning the next battle and living on! Those are the moments that give true meaning to life. Soul searching with myself and spending sacred time with my soul mate to focus on our life together for now and the future! I felt energized and inspired! It built my confidence up again! I was ready to go back to work!
Work is exactly what I have done as I have mentally, physically and emotionally rid this disease of my body. After six more months of difficult chemo therapies, and with the love and support of my family and friends have given me, I've been able to keep this disease under control. My last two pet scans have shown no signs of cancer activity! Wonderful news!!! That's what I had envisioned. Myself beating the hell out of this truly ruthless disease!
I think getting the awareness out there to the public about early detection of this rapid growing disease is imperative for the survival of thousands of people each year! Thanks to the GECF FOUNDATION, important information on gastric and esophageal cancers is being given to many people in this country and around the world. Along with pushing the awareness, they are also trying to raise money to help further the crucial research in understanding this horrific disease.